I went a little crazy ...

... and it's all Kern's fault. Her Facebook note got me all distracted.

So, since I looked it all up, I'm gonna share it, dangit. So, without further ado, I present:

My Theoretical Wedding To Josh Groban

Starring: my dress.

Close-up view of the pretty pink ribbon:

My bouquet:

Bridesmaids' bouquets would be something very similar, probably just a bit smaller.

MOH's (Bri's) dress:

Bridesmaids' dress:

Flower girl's dress:

Men's tux:

All these are just approximations, of course ... for instance, the pinks aren't nearly matchy enough for my OCD ... but it's the basic idea. That was fun! And Google Images is mah frann. :)

Right in front of your face

So ... this will be kind of trite. But hey, it happens.

Lots of things in my life are changing, or getting ready to change in the near future. This has been all I can think about for the past week, and this afternoon as I was cleaning my room and doing dishes and all that fun stuff before room check, I was listening to my iPod. Naturally I turned on Josh, and after awhile the song "Awake" came on. Now I have probably heard "Awake" at least 253.4 billion times, but today I sat there, singing along, looking out the window, and that song just touched me in a way it never has before, especially the second verse:

If I could make these moments endless
If I could stop the winds of change
If we just keep our eyes wide open
Then everything would stay the same

This is the part that really got me, because it is so me. I don't like change; never have. I like order and routine and always knowing what I'm doing and where I'm going. Right now in my life, I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going beyond the immediate future. I always want things to stay as they are, even though I've learned they can't.

Change is inevitable, and "you can fight it, or you can rock out to it." But there's nothing wrong with remembering things that have passed, so you've got to store up all the memories you can now. Sometimes I think about that and I get worried that I don't have enough time, it's all going by too fast and I'm going to miss it.

Keep me awake to memorize you
Give me more time to feel this way
We can't stay like this forever
But I can have you next to me today

When will it stop?

Okay. Now when you're dealing with the Internets, it's best not to name names, so I won't. Suffice it to say that I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE WHO WILL READ THIS. In spite of this, anonymity is the best policy.

Last week I got the shock of my life. I feel so betrayed, and the thing is, this person ... I've considered this person a member of my family for years now. I've talked to them, spent time with them, looked up to them, wanted to be like them. I thought, here was one person I could depend on.

I know some people are master deceivers. I know some people will come out of left field and do something that just knocks you over. I know this. It's happened to me. More than once, even! But what I want to know is, where does it stop?

How much do you really know anyone? When someone says they love you, do they really? When they say they'll always be there, will they? Are they sincere at the time and something changes later that negates everything they've said previously? Or are they just playing you the whole time? And how do you tell?

This has really shaken me. And I am pissed. If I saw this person right now, I'd be hard-pressed to keep my hands at my sides, much less my thoughts in my head. I've been told not to let others' versions of what happened color my own perceptions, just in case this person does make some overture to me, but I don't know if I can do that. I know enough already and let me tell you - you hurt the people I love, you've hurt me. And I'm still shocked that this is coming from this person in particular. I never, never saw this coming.

So now it automatically makes me wonder, if this person could do such a thing, who else could turn on me? The small handful of people who have my trust, do they deserve it? Will they throw it back in my face? I know it's useless to ask these questions, but it's inevitable. These are the things I worry about when I can't sleep at night.

So if he asks you, girls ...

This is, of course, assuming that I manage to find someone who wants to propose to me ... please, God, and before I'm thirty if you don't mind ...

Roomie introduced me to the wonder that is Tacori the other day, and OMG I'm so in love y'all. So I've been poking around and dreaming a bit ... pretty sure I'll never actually get one of these puppies cause the prices are outrageous and they don't even INCLUDE the center stone price ... and if I had to pick one RIGHT FREAKING NOW I've so got it.

How gorgeous is that?? Seriously y'all.

So, if he ... whomever "he" may be ... asks you, you know what I want. ;)

Take a look for yourself at www.tacori.com. Which one would you pick??