New year, new me

Happy 2010 everyone!

If you're reading this, then you know 2009 was pretty much the worst year of my life. Suffice it to say I wasn't terribly sad to see it go. ;)

Now I'm going to be a big ol' blog cliche and talk about New Year's resolutions. But keep reading, cause I've been thinking about this for a couple days and it's pretty good.

This week I was at Winter Xtreme in Gatlinburg, TN (aka My Fave Place) with my church's youth group. The Xtreme conference is a youth group event where thousands of kids come together for Christian concerts and speakers. When I was a youth, Xtreme was what I looked forward to all year long - everyone else went nuts about summer camp, but my thing was Xtreme. The music was what really did it for me; I've always worshiped best through music, so it's just been a perfect fit for me. This year I went as a chaperone (scary, isn't it?) and it was the first time I'd gone in about 3 or 4 years. This year was probably the best conference I've attended, and I've been to, I think, 4 of these things. Like I mentioned, this has been a rough year, and I experienced some of the best worship I've had in months over the past 3 days. It's amazing to be in a room with over 6,000 students and their leaders, every single one of them just rocking out, completely uninhibited, praising God in every way imaginable - you see singing, dancing, jumping, hands lifted, tears falling - and the only word to describe it is beautiful. Most of the concerts - if you follow me on Twitter then you know my feelings for Flyleaf, so I say most - were amazing, and I felt as if each speaker's message had been prepared especially for me. Every one of the four speakers (Tony Nolan, Ergun Caner, Matt Pitt and Johnny Hunt) said something I really needed to hear, and I know that was God working through them. I came home feeling like I'd been dying of thirst and finally given a drink of water.

~My first version of this post was extremely wordy, even for me, so I managed to cut it down a LOT. You are welcome.

So, here's my main point: New Year's resolutions. I have several this year, that I came up with during/as a result of the conference. One is to get closer to God. I seriously slacked off on Bible reading and prayer time last year, so this year I will do better. Another is to live more for others: leave off that pride, that self, and focus on being a servant. I'm going to work at looking past the end of my nose and doing all I can to be what others need me to be instead of focusing on what I think they ought to be for me. I resolve to stop obsessing over things that I can't do anything about and trust God to take care of me - along the same lines, if I can do something about it, I will try to take action. I resolve to be bold and speak up when I feel God moving me to do so. And I resolve to take better care of myself overall, physically, mentally and spiritually. I hope that a year from now I will be a different person, and all the changes will be positive ones, and I will be happier and more content and satisfied with my life.

One more thing - if you're reading this I want you to know that I am thankful for you and I pray that God will bless you beyond your wildest dreams this year. I just know 2010 can be amazing!

Whose bright idea was this?

I'll be honest: I sit at home all day and watch a lot of TV. A LOT of TV. I am coming to feel like Rachael Ray is a personal friend of mine. As I watch all this TV I've seen this commercial a few times, and it really just burns me up.



I know the intent was most likely just to raise awareness of Crohn's, what it is, how it affects you, but I have to say that commercial really depresses the crap out of me. As someone dealing with a recent diagnosis, that is the most discouraging thing I have seen or heard. Everyone who has Crohn's is affected differently; so, for instance, someone else may have to avoid a food that I can eat with no problems. Since I don't yet know how my unique case is going to play out in my normal everyday life - since I'm not currently living my normal everyday life - hearing all the things those people say in the commercial brings me way, way down. If I'd written this, that certainly is not the message I would want to convey.

And you know what? I'm not going to turn into one of those people. The medicine I'm currently taking, I get via IV infusion about every eight weeks - no dealing with "so many pills." I refuse to hide at home because it's too much of a hassle to plan "every detail" of going out, or because I'm afraid. The pain - yeah, it's bad - but I will deal with the pain when it comes, and learn how to avoid it next time. And BY GOD, nothing short of death would cause me to miss my best friend's wedding - this disease certainly won't do it. Living like those people describe, that's not living. I'm going to live. I'm going to do everything I ever wanted to do, and Crohn's disease is the very last thing I'm going to let stand in my way.

Stream of consciousness

I have all these thoughts knocking around inside my head. I swear they're all connected somehow.

I don't like change. I'm a planner, I like to know what I'm doing and where I'm going. I like knowing what to expect, what to do, how to do it. Things and people in my life are changing, and I don't like it. I feel like I'm being left behind.

I'm a worrier. I worry about those I love. I want to take care of all of you, I want to fix what's wrong, I want to keep you from harm. Helplessness doesn't sit well with me.

I've battled shyness all my life. If you haven't had to deal with that problem, you can't know what it's like. Sometimes it's almost like I am physically incapable of speaking. New places, people, situations scare the bejeezus out of me. I get a sudden chill, break out in a cold sweat, my stomach drops to my feet, I feel like I can't breathe. And since my tear ducts are hard-wired to react to any strong emotion - sad, happy, angry, frustrated, embarrassed - there will most likely be tears. I may manage to keep them in but trust me, they're always right there under the surface.

In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me? (Psalm 56:11)

So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)

I've thought for a few years now that I was dealing with some mild depression, but a friend has since told me that I'm not depressed since I can still feel. And ... somehow that made me feel better. (HI BEA! Thank you *hugs*)

It's part of my worrying nature to visualize the worst-case scenarios so that I'm prepared. Because of this, very few things could in reality be worse than what I imagined - it's actually a good thing. Srs. If it's driving you nuts, I'm sorry and I empathize - I drive me nuts, too. I'll quit telling you that.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

Those of you who know me via Interwebz probably won't believe me, but I have a terrible time making friends. Sometimes I look around and I'm amazed at the friends I have. How did this happen? How did I manage it?

I often wish I were different. I imagine myself the way I wish I was, and sometimes I can even be that version of me when I'm with my closest friends. Then reality comes crashing in and I'm reminded that I'm not that girl. I want to be. But I don't know how.

I worry about being "good enough."

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. (Psalm 139:13-16)

I want to have a servant's heart and always think of others before myself, but sometimes I'm selfish. It makes me feel like a terrible person but at the same time - sometimes I want things too.

If my friends are changing and moving along but I'm not, how do I keep from being forgotten?

What will I do if I never get the deepest desires of my heart? I don't think I'm asking for much, but what happens if I wait and wait and wait and it just ... never comes?

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

There are so many things I want to do, so many things I want to experience, so many places I want to go and so many people I want to meet - yet I also like it here in my comfort zone. In order to do all these things I'll have to make myself get decidedly uncomfortable, at least for a little while. I'm not sure I can do it.

With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God. (Mark 10:27)

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

I Choose Joy.

I am in general a happy person. But because we all know life is not all sunshine and rainbows and I am a firm believer in being honest and sharing with people, I don't mind telling you that I struggle. Specifically, I have trouble with jealousy, I am very easily annoyed, and I have a hard time just letting things go. Once I get something in my head, it is all-consuming and I very nearly go crazy before I somehow manage to get rid of it. When this happens, and it happens more often than I'd like, certainly, it makes me feel awful. For a day or two I'm just miserable - sad, angry, just generally ticked off at the world and all its inhabitants. And I have come to the realization that you decide how you're going to respond to any given situation. You decide what your attitude will be.

We were talking about this in Sunday school a few weeks ago. The question was asked: what do you do when things don’t go your way? How do you deal with it? As it happens, this is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I posted a few weeks ago about some hardships I’ve been facing in my own life, and many friends who read that were awesome enough to let me know that they’ve been struggling with some of the same things. I got to thinking that maybe I’d write a little about how I’m dealing with those issues, because it’s a difficulty every single day and sometimes it can be a huge source of encouragement to hear how someone else deals with the same things you’re trying to deal with.

When the question was asked on Sunday – how do you deal? – I answered almost immediately, saying this: You have to make the decision to have a positive attitude. It doesn’t just happen on its own, you have to make a conscious choice. I've shared about the problems I’ve dealt with, which have had the effect of producing a general discontentment and dashing my joy right into the ground. Something else that can steal your joy is fear, and I am a pretty fearful person. Anyone who knows me well can back me up on this: I am the world’s biggest worrywart. I get nervous very easily, and if I don’t have anything to be afraid of, my imagination will invent something. I know worry is a sin, but no matter how hard I try I just can’t seem to shake it. I worry a lot that my future plans won’t pan out, or that I won’t get the things I want most, the things I dream of. Constantly thinking about the what-ifs and things that may or may not happen is exhausting and depressing. And I don’t know about you, but I hate feeling this way. I can’t stand being unhappy, hate to argue and fight, always want to get rid of unpleasant feelings as soon as possible. Some people seem to enjoy wallowing in their misery, but I don’t. So when I need to, I make the choice to be happy and work to reclaim my joy. Everyone has different ways of doing things and what works for me may not necessarily work for you, but here’s how I do it.

First I give myself a little pep talk. Usually my imagination is telling me that a situation is much worse than it actually is – or even at times inventing a problem where there is none – so I sit myself down and tell me that whatever isn’t true, isn’t true. Basically, it’s the mental equivalent of giving myself a slap across the face and telling myself to stop being ridiculous.

My inner joy comes from a relationship with God, so the next thing I do is have a good talk with Him. I tell Him what’s bothering me – although of course He already knows – and ask forgiveness for my fretting and worrying and not trusting. Then I think about all the things that have gone right for me, all the things I’ve wanted and gotten: even though it sounds corny, I count my blessings. I thank God for everything He has given me, and when counted, these far outnumber the things I haven’t gotten. When I think about this, when I stop and think of all the things that I take for granted but that really are gifts – things like waking up in the morning, being able to care for myself, the warm bed I’ve just slept in and food for breakfast – I feel very humbled. It makes me wonder, why am I working myself into such a state over one little thing that didn’t go my way? Why am I inventing a problem for myself instead of focusing on something good? Why am I worrying about something in the future when I can’t do anything about it anyway? When I’ve thanked God for all these things, I ask Him to help me to be content with and grateful for what I have now, and to help me trust that He loves me and will take care of me no matter what happens.

Usually then the best thing for me to do is avoid being alone for a while, since loneliness has been such a big problem lately. I find a friend to talk to, if I can; if I can’t, I’ll go find something to do with my sister or sit and watch TV, read, or knit with my parents. If I’m by myself, I find some job to do to keep myself busy and turn on some praise music. If I’m in the right mood, this is sometimes a good opportunity to write, too.

Now I realize that some people reading this don't share my beliefs, and while I wish you did, it's okay. I never want to be one of those Christians who looks down on non-Christians, and as my world view gets ever larger, another thing I'm coming to realize is that not everyone sees things the way I see things. It makes the world more complicated, but it also makes it more interesting! Sometimes that's at the heart of the problem, just the simple fact that people see things differently. When this happens, I have to take a step back and remind myself that it's relative - what I see one way, someone else sees another. And that's cool. I be your friend anyway. :)

But anyway, back to the subject at hand. Everyone has to do whatever will best help them, but the point here is that you have to make a decision to have a good attitude. Bad things are going to happen, we’re going to be disappointed, people are going to hurt us and we’re going to be denied things we want. It’s only natural to be sad, angry, or disappointed at these times, but you don’t have to stay that way. It isn’t easy and it takes some effort, but the important thing is that it works. If you’re upset or find yourself having a bad attitude and you don’t like it, choose to change it. Choose joy.

I want ...

Weekends ... aren't my friends lately.

I used to not mind being alone. I could hang out by myself, listen to music, read, maybe write a bit, no problem. I've never liked being all alone for long periods of time, but I've never needed to be surrounded by people to be happy.

Here lately, I sense something in me changing. I don't like to be alone like I used to. Weekends have been especially hard, because I go home from the dorm, hang out with the fam, and we usually don't do much. Everyone has work, school, whatever, so we just chill on the weekends. I find myself getting bored a lot easier than I used to, and getting lonely like I never have. Loneliness is an awful feeling. I get lonely, and then I get sad, and then I do stupid things like fight with my best friend. Which just makes it ALL better, as you can imagine.

Have you ever noticed how everything is worse at night? Whatever it is, it seems like the absolute end of the world when it's dark outside. And here I am, with the overactive imagination, talking myself into all sorts of crazy things. If it was daylight out, I wouldn't believe any of it because it's completely ridiculous, but since it's dark anything is possible.

I've never seen a doctor and been clinically diagnosed with depression, but I believe I have dealt with it. After my freshman year of college I was really down for a long time, and I think some of that is still sticking around. Most of the time I'm a really upbeat, happy, optimistic person ... but when I'm alone, and it gets dark outside, something happens in my head and I turn into someone I don't want to be. I get paranoid, I get scared ... I don't know, I get crazy.

So of course I've got to analyze this to death, as one does. That's how I roll. This loneliness has taken me by surprise. It's an emotion I really don't have a whole lot of experience with. I like people and I've got an awesome group of friends and an amazing family and I love spending time with them, but I am an introvert and I like my solitude. I can't be surrounded by people all the time or I'll go nuts. Even so, I used to never really feel alone. That overactive imagination is both a good and a bad thing. I remember when I was very little, before my sister was born, I played by myself all the time and it was great. I could imagine as many playmates as I wanted and for me, that was just as good as the real thing. The best way to describe it is writing stories in my head all the time. I still do it, almost without thinking about it.

Here lately it's not as satisfying as it used to be, though. I find myself craving some kind of human contact, some kind of attention. Then I get upset if I can't get it, and it's a confusing mix of emotions. There's the loneliness, the sense of dissatisfaction, and on top of that there's fear. My greatest fear is being alone, and I have what my friend Scarlet named FOR - Fear Of Rejection. It's like I'm always a little afraid that my friends will find someone they like better than me, so they won't need me anymore. At its core, maybe that's a self-esteem issue. Not sure, but that sounds plausible. My relationship with my best friend is a unique case because we live so far apart, and I'm scared to death of losing her simply because I'm not there. That doesn't really give her much credit for loyalty or whatever, and that's one of those things that I know is just silly in the daylight. But just because I know it's silly, doesn't mean I can completely discount it. So many fears are silly or stupid, but that doesn't make them any less legitimately scary.

I have this vague sense of dissatisfaction just in general these days. Most of the time I'm fine ... you know, during those daylight hours ... but then I just find myself wanting. I'm not even really sure what it is I want so badly. I just know there's something missing, something that I've never missed before. I don't know how to go about looking for it because I don't know what to look for. That's frustrating and a little scary in itself - if I don't know what I'm looking for, how will I ever find it?

I feel a little stuck - that's a word that keeps coming to mind. And that's kind of strange if you think about it, because I'm fast approaching a crossroads in my life. I'm on the cusp of change, as it were, and somehow I feel trapped in a rut. The obvious answer here is that I need a man, but I'm not completely sure that is actually the answer.

I can't think of any way to really wrap this entry up. These ramblings really serve no purpose except to get the freaking words out of my head. Once I get something like this stuck in my head, I go over and over it until I'm crazy with it. So really I just wanted to get this out there and away from me for the moment, and it does make me feel better. Maybe someone who reads this is feeling some of the same things, and it would be nice to know that I'm not alone in this.

When will it stop?

Okay. Now when you're dealing with the Internets, it's best not to name names, so I won't. Suffice it to say that I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE WHO WILL READ THIS. In spite of this, anonymity is the best policy.

Last week I got the shock of my life. I feel so betrayed, and the thing is, this person ... I've considered this person a member of my family for years now. I've talked to them, spent time with them, looked up to them, wanted to be like them. I thought, here was one person I could depend on.

I know some people are master deceivers. I know some people will come out of left field and do something that just knocks you over. I know this. It's happened to me. More than once, even! But what I want to know is, where does it stop?

How much do you really know anyone? When someone says they love you, do they really? When they say they'll always be there, will they? Are they sincere at the time and something changes later that negates everything they've said previously? Or are they just playing you the whole time? And how do you tell?

This has really shaken me. And I am pissed. If I saw this person right now, I'd be hard-pressed to keep my hands at my sides, much less my thoughts in my head. I've been told not to let others' versions of what happened color my own perceptions, just in case this person does make some overture to me, but I don't know if I can do that. I know enough already and let me tell you - you hurt the people I love, you've hurt me. And I'm still shocked that this is coming from this person in particular. I never, never saw this coming.

So now it automatically makes me wonder, if this person could do such a thing, who else could turn on me? The small handful of people who have my trust, do they deserve it? Will they throw it back in my face? I know it's useless to ask these questions, but it's inevitable. These are the things I worry about when I can't sleep at night.

'Fraidy-Cat

Well, it's nearly 1 in the morning and I'm still awake. You know what that means.

I've been thinking too much.

Yesterday I turned 21. It was a pretty good day, classes hadn't started yet so I didn't have much to do and that was nice. But 21 ... it's got me thinking about the future again. The near future, the not-so-near future ... you get the picture.

21 is kind of wigging me out. It's such a milestone, people have been saying things like, "21! Wow! What are you going to do?" Well, I didn't do much of anything special for my birthday itself, just hung out with my family. I haven't really been all that anxious to do anything I needed to be legal to do anyway, so it wasn't a big deal. But that last question, that "what are you going to do?" That's the biggie.

Because I'm hyper-analytical, so I take it somewhere faaaar from where it began. What am I going to do? Where do I want to go? Who do I want to be? Hitting this milestone reminded me how close I am to graduating from college. That is just ridiculous to think of - I am getting ready to graduate from college. Not just like, sometime, but in the actual foreseeable future. It's really happening.

That thought - that I'm going to graduate from college - quite frankly scares the shit out of me. Because ever since I was 4, I've been in school, in Williamsburg. I was in one building for kindergarten through 12th grade, and my college is just down the street from that. Now I'll be going to grad school, away somewhere. Whether I stay somewhere close by or go halfway across the country, I'll be away. I won't know my way around campus, I won't have known most of my teachers from childhood, I won't have my parents nearby if I need anything. For the first time in my life, I'll really be on my own.

Now this is exciting. I think about getting an apartment, maybe a pet, that kind of stuff. That will be fun. But it's scary when I think about being on my own. I've never been on my own. Even here at college, I live in the dorms but I live with someone I've known since I was in middle school. My family is here, I can go home whenever I want. I know this town, I know these people. There is a security here I know I will miss when I leave. That's what's scary. I'll really have to completely take care of myself. Part of me is ready to rise to the challenge, while part of me wants to stay here always, where it's familiar and safe.

I don't take change well anyway, of any kind. Tiny details just get me all messed up, so it's really no wonder I'm all worried about this now, when it's still over a year away. Welcome to the life of a compulsive worrier.

Anyway, that's been on my mind tonight. I know it's bound to only get worse over the next year, but maybe I can talk myself off the ledge when I start hyperventilating. I'll welcome any help and/or chocolate anyone wants to send. :)

Setting Goals

Just over an hour til I turn 21!

Anyway.

Lately I've been thinking about New Year's resolutions. I don't make them anymore myself, since like most people I usually only kept them for a couple weeks, if that. With so many people talking about them, though, it does make me think about what I might resolve to do if I were making resolutions. And then I thought - I don't make resolutions, but I can always set goals! New year, new semester, why not.

First of all though, I have to say that I'm happier with myself these days than I ever have been. Let me get superficial here for a minute. I've never thought of myself as a "pretty girl." I always used to wonder about those girls ... you know, the perfectly skinny blondes ... I remember wondering how it felt to be pretty. Like, did they look in the mirror and think, wow I'm pretty? Did they even realize it?

So anyway, the other night we went out to dinner with the family to celebrate our three January birthdays - mine, my mom's, and my great-grandfather's. I'd dressed up for it, cause I like to do that, and when we got home and I went to change clothes I happened to glance in the mirror and I was like hey ... I'm pretty. I know it sounds vain, okay, but I had an epiphany y'all. And then I stopped to think about it. I could definitely stand to lose weight - more on that momentarily - but I've figured out what works on me and how to look good. My skin has definitely been worse. And my hair ... well, excuse the vanity, but I love my hair. So anyway. Point here being that I had an epiphany, hee, and I'm actually happier with the outside of myself than I can ever remember being before.

So, that happened.

Anyway, goals. Like I mentioned already, weight. My roommate and suitemate and I are going to diet and exercise together. I've already been informed that we're giving up pop. I'll miss it, but I know it's horrible for me and I kind of feel guilty when I drink it anyway. We're going to walk several nights a week and keep each other from eating horrible things. I'm planning to do some traveling this summer if I have my way, which I'm really excited about, so I have an extra incentive to look good.

I'm also going to work on being more organized, although I always say that at the beginning of every semester. I'm going to try to be more dedicated, more disciplined where schoolwork is concerned. I made better grades last semester than the year before, so that was nice and I'd like to keep that going. I'm really bad for procrastinating too, so I'm going to try to kick that habit.

I'll start tomorrow.

Besides that, I'm going to try to work on picking battles, letting the little annoyances roll off my back and only making an issue of things that deserve to be made an issue of. Lately I've found myself saying whatever I'm thinking instead of keeping it inside - I know it's not good for you to keep things bottled up, but it's also not always good to tell people exactly what you think! So there's that to work on.

So ... yeah. Some things to think about as the new semester starts. We'll see how all this works out for me.

Something that I've been thinking about all day ...

Wow, two in one day.

I'm a WILD WOMAN, I tell you.

But I have a purpose. Lately I've been hearing a lot of people talk about loving yourself, knowing yourself, etc etc. I also read something to the effect that the most important thing is how you feel about yourself, or something like that.

Okay, here's the thing: the more I think about it, the more I disagree. Like, a lot.

Yes, you need to love yourself. Yes, you need to find out who you are and be who you are. Yes, you need to be happy with yourself and not just focus on pleasing others. This philosophy, though, is unbelievably self-centered. Say it with me: DUH. Now that we've got that out of the way, I'll explain what I mean and why I disagree.

It is important to be happy with yourself and to do what makes you happy, but not to the exclusion of anything and everyone else. If you were going to go off and live in a cave somewhere, that M.O. would be fine and work out great for you. The thing is that we have to live with other people. Even if you technically live alone, you have interaction with other people all day. Fellow students, teachers, coworkers, the lady in the supermarket checkout line, whatever.

Not only do you have to live with other people, you have to live peacefully. You have to be kind, you have to get along to the best of your abilities. This isn't something that you can just do; having had three different roommates with very different personalities over the last three years, trust me, I KNOW. You can just get along with some people easier than others, true, but living with someone is another thing entirely. If you are so focused on only pleasing yourself, you're going to have trouble. Sometimes you have to do things you'd rather not for the sake of someone else.

Something else to think about: your every action affects the people around you. If you're focused on only pleasing yourself and to hell with everybody else, chances are that you're really hurting someone, and you don't even know it. If you focus on only pleasing yourself, you won't even see anyone around you. That's when you can do some real damage, and the sad part is that you'll have no idea. That person may start acting differently towards you and you'll have no clue why; then you won't do anything about it and will keep on hurting them.

Yet another point: humans are inherently selfish, but we're supposed to fight that. Now I realize I'm speaking from the perspective of a Christian, and not everyone would agree with me. That's fine, because everyone has the right to an opinion. As Christians, we are called to be servants. We are called to give of ourselves to help others - and not just sometimes, but all day, every day. What is a servant supposed to be focused on? Certainly not themselves. Think about the days when slavery was an accepted practice. What would selfishness get a slave? Nothing, and in fact it would probably cost them their life.

I'm not sitting here saying I have this down and I always have a servant's heart, because I know I don't. Like I said, humans are inherently selfish. But we are called to serve with humility, not please ourselves. And I think that if you try only to please yourself, you won't. If you're hurting people and losing friends right and left in the name of pleasing yourself, you're not going to be happy.

Rather, find out God's will for your life and strive to do it. Be meek and humble; stand up for yourself and don't let people treat you badly, but think of others before yourself. If helping someone means denying yourself a little pleasure but doing some good in their life, do it anyway. When you are someone that can be counted on, someone who makes others happy, then you will be happy with yourself. Surrounded by all the love that's sure to come your way, how could you not be?

The problem is that we focus too much on ourselves. Try forgetting about your problems and listening to someone else for a change. And don't just sit there being quiet while they talk, really listen! It's hard to do, but we all can if we try. Show compassion and love people. Remember that there are many, many ways to love someone - it's so much more than just three little words. You love through your words and your actions, what you do and sometimes what you don't. Conversely, you can show a lack of love through these same things. Be conscious of how you treat people. You can tell me you love me all you want, but if your actions say otherwise then what do you think I'm going to listen to? What would you listen to? Where words whisper, actions scream. Again, I know I'm not always as good at this as I would wish, so I'm not trying to be hypocritical or tell you that I've got it all figured out, because I certainly don't. This is what I believe, though, and what I try to live out.

Anyway, that's my take on it, agree or disagree as you will. I'll welcome any thoughts anyone wants to share. :)