New year, new me

Happy 2010 everyone!

If you're reading this, then you know 2009 was pretty much the worst year of my life. Suffice it to say I wasn't terribly sad to see it go. ;)

Now I'm going to be a big ol' blog cliche and talk about New Year's resolutions. But keep reading, cause I've been thinking about this for a couple days and it's pretty good.

This week I was at Winter Xtreme in Gatlinburg, TN (aka My Fave Place) with my church's youth group. The Xtreme conference is a youth group event where thousands of kids come together for Christian concerts and speakers. When I was a youth, Xtreme was what I looked forward to all year long - everyone else went nuts about summer camp, but my thing was Xtreme. The music was what really did it for me; I've always worshiped best through music, so it's just been a perfect fit for me. This year I went as a chaperone (scary, isn't it?) and it was the first time I'd gone in about 3 or 4 years. This year was probably the best conference I've attended, and I've been to, I think, 4 of these things. Like I mentioned, this has been a rough year, and I experienced some of the best worship I've had in months over the past 3 days. It's amazing to be in a room with over 6,000 students and their leaders, every single one of them just rocking out, completely uninhibited, praising God in every way imaginable - you see singing, dancing, jumping, hands lifted, tears falling - and the only word to describe it is beautiful. Most of the concerts - if you follow me on Twitter then you know my feelings for Flyleaf, so I say most - were amazing, and I felt as if each speaker's message had been prepared especially for me. Every one of the four speakers (Tony Nolan, Ergun Caner, Matt Pitt and Johnny Hunt) said something I really needed to hear, and I know that was God working through them. I came home feeling like I'd been dying of thirst and finally given a drink of water.

~My first version of this post was extremely wordy, even for me, so I managed to cut it down a LOT. You are welcome.

So, here's my main point: New Year's resolutions. I have several this year, that I came up with during/as a result of the conference. One is to get closer to God. I seriously slacked off on Bible reading and prayer time last year, so this year I will do better. Another is to live more for others: leave off that pride, that self, and focus on being a servant. I'm going to work at looking past the end of my nose and doing all I can to be what others need me to be instead of focusing on what I think they ought to be for me. I resolve to stop obsessing over things that I can't do anything about and trust God to take care of me - along the same lines, if I can do something about it, I will try to take action. I resolve to be bold and speak up when I feel God moving me to do so. And I resolve to take better care of myself overall, physically, mentally and spiritually. I hope that a year from now I will be a different person, and all the changes will be positive ones, and I will be happier and more content and satisfied with my life.

One more thing - if you're reading this I want you to know that I am thankful for you and I pray that God will bless you beyond your wildest dreams this year. I just know 2010 can be amazing!

Whose bright idea was this?

I'll be honest: I sit at home all day and watch a lot of TV. A LOT of TV. I am coming to feel like Rachael Ray is a personal friend of mine. As I watch all this TV I've seen this commercial a few times, and it really just burns me up.



I know the intent was most likely just to raise awareness of Crohn's, what it is, how it affects you, but I have to say that commercial really depresses the crap out of me. As someone dealing with a recent diagnosis, that is the most discouraging thing I have seen or heard. Everyone who has Crohn's is affected differently; so, for instance, someone else may have to avoid a food that I can eat with no problems. Since I don't yet know how my unique case is going to play out in my normal everyday life - since I'm not currently living my normal everyday life - hearing all the things those people say in the commercial brings me way, way down. If I'd written this, that certainly is not the message I would want to convey.

And you know what? I'm not going to turn into one of those people. The medicine I'm currently taking, I get via IV infusion about every eight weeks - no dealing with "so many pills." I refuse to hide at home because it's too much of a hassle to plan "every detail" of going out, or because I'm afraid. The pain - yeah, it's bad - but I will deal with the pain when it comes, and learn how to avoid it next time. And BY GOD, nothing short of death would cause me to miss my best friend's wedding - this disease certainly won't do it. Living like those people describe, that's not living. I'm going to live. I'm going to do everything I ever wanted to do, and Crohn's disease is the very last thing I'm going to let stand in my way.

Bloggy Friday

Here's something I don't think I've really mentioned to anyone: I'm a little bit addicted to mommy blogs.

Have you ever read a mommy blog? They're just what they sound like - moms blog about the cute (and gross) things their kids do, they talk about their husbands and marriages, that sort of thing. And I LOVE them. "Become mommy blogger" is one more thing I've added to my list of Things I Must Do When I Have Children. (List also includes quit job to be stay-at-home mom, enroll any and all daughters in dance classes as soon as they can walk, and dress children alike for my own personal enjoyment.)

So for today, I've compiled a little linkspam of mommy (and daddy!) blogs that I love.

The first one I started following is Pacing The Panic Room. The author, Ryan, writes about his and his wife's adventures as they get ready for the birth of their first child. The thing that drew me to this blog first was the photography. Ryan is a photographer and he takes the most awesome belly pictures of his wife every week. This is the most recent:

Awesome, yes? I think so. :)

That blog led me to Attack of the Redneck Mommy - and I admit I only looked at this one because of the title, heh. I haven't had time yet to go back and read more than just the most recent posts, but I plan to. This lady is hilarious, y'all.

From that one - you see the pattern here, right - I found my absolute favorite mommy blog, The Spohrs Are Multiplying. This blogger, Heather, writes some of the funniest stuff I have ever read - just the way she puts things is awesome. And there's lots of pictures and videos of her little girl, Madeline. This may possibly be the cutest baby ever:

Don't you just want to squish her? I do! Sadly, Maddie passed away in April - she was a preemie and had been dealing with lots of health problems - and Heather has been writing about this experience too. It's heartbreaking and beautiful all at once.

While cruising the archives of that blog, I found moosh in indy. Talk about adorable kids! Check out this one, affectionately referred to as The Moosh:

So, you may ask, what is the draw? Why read blogs about the lives of people I don't know and will probably never meet? Well I'll tell you. First of all, I think I like mommy blogs specifically because pretty much my number-one goal is to be a mommy myself. I've got the whole maternal instincts thing going on, I love little kids, I suffer from raging baby envy. I think that's why mommy blogs in particular appeal to me the way they do. But beyond that, when you read these blogs, you come to feel like you do know them. Maybe you see similarities to yourself, or to someone you know. So then their story isn't just theirs, it becomes universal. It could be anyone's story. You find something you can relate to, or see that someone else has gone through something you may have gone through. I think it's safe to assume that everyone who might read this knows about the relationships that can be formed across the miles via the Wonderful Interwebz, so that's why I like blogs.

Plus all these bloggers are awesomely talented writers and really really freakin' funny. They're just fun to read.

And now you know what I do at work! ;)

The longest two weeks EVAR

I feel like the turtle.

Two weeks left of class, y'all, and on the one hand it feels like this has been the longest semester ever OMG, and on the other hand it feels like it's actually passed pretty quickly. I'm ready for a break, I must say. I've been thinking about the summer quite a bit, and what I want to try to accomplish ... I'm so bad for making grandiose plans and not doing a single thing I planned ... one thing that must happen, I must go to Texas. If I do nothing else, this must happen. Non-negotiable. Besides that, I'm building my reading list, I'd like to get out of this not-writing slump ... get caught up on my friends' stories ... that sort of thing. Mainly just take it easy, do some things that I enjoy, things that are restful. To chillax, one might say. That's fun to think about. So that's what's on my mind this morning.

Grades are looking a tad iffy as we near the end of the semester, but I'm hoping for B's across the board. English Lit and I are just never going to get along, I've decided. Creative Writing was a bust. Everything else should be fairly decent though. Like I said, I want a B. I'll be happy with that. Then we can get on with the summer and everybody can just chill the heck out. Sounds good to me.

*Lolcats picture found at icanhascheezburger.com

Setting Goals

Just over an hour til I turn 21!

Anyway.

Lately I've been thinking about New Year's resolutions. I don't make them anymore myself, since like most people I usually only kept them for a couple weeks, if that. With so many people talking about them, though, it does make me think about what I might resolve to do if I were making resolutions. And then I thought - I don't make resolutions, but I can always set goals! New year, new semester, why not.

First of all though, I have to say that I'm happier with myself these days than I ever have been. Let me get superficial here for a minute. I've never thought of myself as a "pretty girl." I always used to wonder about those girls ... you know, the perfectly skinny blondes ... I remember wondering how it felt to be pretty. Like, did they look in the mirror and think, wow I'm pretty? Did they even realize it?

So anyway, the other night we went out to dinner with the family to celebrate our three January birthdays - mine, my mom's, and my great-grandfather's. I'd dressed up for it, cause I like to do that, and when we got home and I went to change clothes I happened to glance in the mirror and I was like hey ... I'm pretty. I know it sounds vain, okay, but I had an epiphany y'all. And then I stopped to think about it. I could definitely stand to lose weight - more on that momentarily - but I've figured out what works on me and how to look good. My skin has definitely been worse. And my hair ... well, excuse the vanity, but I love my hair. So anyway. Point here being that I had an epiphany, hee, and I'm actually happier with the outside of myself than I can ever remember being before.

So, that happened.

Anyway, goals. Like I mentioned already, weight. My roommate and suitemate and I are going to diet and exercise together. I've already been informed that we're giving up pop. I'll miss it, but I know it's horrible for me and I kind of feel guilty when I drink it anyway. We're going to walk several nights a week and keep each other from eating horrible things. I'm planning to do some traveling this summer if I have my way, which I'm really excited about, so I have an extra incentive to look good.

I'm also going to work on being more organized, although I always say that at the beginning of every semester. I'm going to try to be more dedicated, more disciplined where schoolwork is concerned. I made better grades last semester than the year before, so that was nice and I'd like to keep that going. I'm really bad for procrastinating too, so I'm going to try to kick that habit.

I'll start tomorrow.

Besides that, I'm going to try to work on picking battles, letting the little annoyances roll off my back and only making an issue of things that deserve to be made an issue of. Lately I've found myself saying whatever I'm thinking instead of keeping it inside - I know it's not good for you to keep things bottled up, but it's also not always good to tell people exactly what you think! So there's that to work on.

So ... yeah. Some things to think about as the new semester starts. We'll see how all this works out for me.